Baker Academic

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The Holy Spirit, Trumpsplained: Part 2 of my Interview with Donald Trump

In my continued effort to make an easy-to-understand theology for Americans, I interviewed Donald Trump on the Synoptic Problem. Here is the next segment of my interview in which he Trumpsplains the Holy Spirit.

TJB: Mr. Trump, thank you again for agreeing to interview. I know that you must be very busy writing and revising speeches and consulting yourself on foreign policy.

TRUMP: Yes. Megyn Kelly is a reverse-sexist. But, yes.

TJB: Okay. Well, let’s talk more about the Bible. Many Christians are suspicious that your newly declared appreciation for the Bible is political expediency.

TRUMP: Christians love me. I’m a Presbyterian. But the ones who say that are really weak. And—I don’t know—might be ISIS. But I don’t know. I might definitely sue. This is a real possibility. But I don’t know. It’s something we’re considering.

TJB: Last we spoke, you expressed admiration for Luke’s Gospel. What is your view on Luke’s condemnation of the wealthy.

TRUMP: This is a serious thing that we’re looking at. I love Luke. Anyone who knows me knows that I love lots of things. Luke especially. But things are really slowing down for him. It’s sad really. I am very wealthy and I’ve been very successful. I eat the little crumbs at church and drink the juice. This is why I’ve been audited so many times.

TJB: One of Luke’s key interests is the role of the Holy Spirit. Do you think that Luke presents the Holy Spirit as the eschatological Temple-presence of the Holy of Holies?

TRUMP: I’m a huge supporter of temples. All the best temples. Nobody has given more money to temples. Trust me. I own several temples and many, many Asherah poles. Huge poles. Marco Rubio said—did you see this?—Little Marco says that I’m “compensating for something” because I have baby hands. It’s pathetic. I feel sorry for him. I really do. Believe me, there's no problem. That I can tell you. That I can tell you.

TJB: What do you think of the various feminine portrayals of the Holy Spirit in modern Christian worship?

TRUMP: That’s so stupid. I went to an Ivy League school. I'm very highly educated. I know words. I have the best words. But there is no better word than “stupid.” And I know stupid when I see it. You know, I'm sorry to tell you, but it’s really hard to be perfect ten as a deity if you’re just a spirit. I’m sorry, but it’s true. It’s true.

TJB: So the fact that God is spirit is a problem for you?

TRUMP: The Holy Spirit had a nice little campaign. I gave her a ton of money. And I shouldn’t have. But I was happy to do it. I mean, she begged. She begged. I mean, a boatload of money. Believe me. But she never made it to the top. She is like in second, maybe even third place behind the Father and Son. So I don’t respect her anymore because I don’t like losers.

TJB: In terms of creating a visible and embodied portrait, Luke showcases the Holy Spirit as “tongues of fire.” Do you think that fire represents eschatological Temple imagery?

TRUMP: The Holy Spirit turned out to be a lightweight. God—who I really respect—was like “you’re fired.” Which was the right thing to do. But I love the Holy Spirit. Nice lady. But it’s sad what happened to her.


Tune in next week for the third and final part of my interview with Donald Trump.

Anthony Le Donne, PhD is the author of
Near Christianity: How Journeys Along Jewish-Christian Borders Saved My Faith In God


  1. Replies
    1. TRUMP: You think this is hilarious? I'll tell you what's hilarious, Ted Cruz. Lyin' Ted Cruz trying to explain the spirit, amazing babe by the way, and lyin' Ted Cruz cannot even come close to my explanation which I learned when I went to church that one time in Iowa. They loved me there, loved me. Gotta hand it to them, they were a classy bunch.

  2. I'm still ROTFL from the first part of this interview! Well done! It's "GREAT!" "GREAT!"